When we lose someone in our lives, the grieving process can be the hardest aspect to navigate through. We grieve after any sort of loss in our lives. But it is most powerful when someone we love dies. Grieving is not just one feeling, it usually involves a range of different feelings. Over time, it can help you accept and understand your loss.
Everyone feels grief differently and there is no right or wrong way to react. There follows some general information about the different reactions people often have. How long people grieve for is a very individual thing. It may be months or even years. But it won’t always be so intense.
Some of the emotions can be very difficult to face and some people might try to avoid the pain of grief. They keep very busy to distract themselves from the painful loss. And some people drink more alcohol than usual or use other drugs to numb the pain. But this might slow your recovery and cause new problems.
The most important part of healing is to acknowledge that you are grieving. Two main things that help the most with grief are time and support. You can't push the issue and force yourself to feel better.
It is important that you grieve for your loved one and allow yourself to feel the way you do. Here are some suggestions that may help.
Don’t try to fight your feelings
It’s often instinct to try and bottle up your feelings. By doing this you may be feeling like you’re shielding yourself and others from feelings of sadness. You need to allow time to work through your thoughts and feelings, both positive and negative. If you don’t face your feelings, then those feelings will resurface again and likely hold you back from moving on.
Talk to someone you trust
Confide in somebody that you trust. You will find it therapeutic to be able to talk to someone about how your loved one passed away. To just have someone there to listen to how you are feeling, even when things are still very raw and emotional.
Don’t be afraid to cry
Crying is a natural release for your body and is an important part of grief. It may sometimes feel that once you open the flood gates they won’t stop, and you may cry a lot, but it’s important for your journey through the grieving process.
Keep something of theirs close to you
It can really provide some comfort to carry something around with you that is sentimental. Whether it’s something they once wore or perhaps an item you have had made to honor their memory such as commissioning unique cremation ash jewelry so you can keep a small remembrance of them close to your heart at all times.
Do things sooner rather than later
Don’t wait too long to sort out affairs once they have passed. If you have to clear out the person’s home or finish off any business they left, it can be helpful to try to do it sooner rather than later. It might make the task easier if you ask a relative or friend to help you.
Plan for anniversaries
You might find that significant anniversaries affect you for many years after someone dies. Some people find it helpful to plan something to do on those days, such as visiting a special place. Other people find it too painful to do this. You need to find your own way and do what’s right for you.
Remember to take care of yourself
Very often our own welfare is the last thing on our minds, but it’s when we don’t take care of ourselves, that things can really start to take their toll. Remember that you need to nourish your body, exercise and ensure that you are getting enough rest. Sleep deprivation can play havoc with your body and will also amplify your feelings. No one thinks straight when they haven’t been getting enough sleep. Even if you are not sleeping well throughout the night, it’s important to still get some rest, even if you’re awake. Things become much clearer when we’re more rested.
Write things down
Jotting down your feelings can be cathartic. You may not always feel physically able to talk about your feelings, so you might find it useful to write them down. Some people find it helps to write down how they are feeling or about their loved one.
Join a support group
You may feel it is useless to talk about your grief because no one truly understands what you are going through. It’s not always for everyone, but it might just be what you need. If you’ve never entertained the idea of a group that is formed from people who are going through a similar situation to your own, then it’s time to reconsider it. Some people find it helps to go to a support group and talk to others who have lost people close to them. Not only are they sharing their stories as a group but they infinitely understand your feelings of grief, as they are going through the same emotions. It can help a little to realise that other people feel some of the same emotions.
Be patient with yourself
Allow yourself to gain some patience with how you manage from day to day. Time may seem like it is stretched way into the horizon and you may feel like the grief will never end. They say that time is a healer and those words are true. We all heal in different ways and at different points, but it’s important to remember that it will take some time, and some days will be easier than others.
Reach out the medical professionals if you need to
Consult your doctor if at any time you feel everything is just too much. They might suggest you get some grief counseling. Or you may find it useful to contact an organization that offers support and advice to people in this situation.
